Little hamster face

Ah San came to my office today to show off her little precious and also to distribute full-month cakes.

I really like little Lyra. She is so fiesty and expressive. In the short span of time here, she cooed, grunted, poohed, sucked noisily on her mom's er-hems and showed off her dimpled little smile.

My colleagues thought that she looked like me. They also said that she looked like a little hamster. Hmm...

I told Ah San, one of these days I'm going to kidnap little Lyra. Ooh!! She's so darn cute!

Another reason for not going to work

Today when I wore my glasses after switching on my PC at work, I discovered that the text on my PC screen seemed blurry. When I removed the glasses and looked again, it was clear. After half a year of not staring endlessly at the computer, I realised that my astigmatism was cured. Huh! Another reason not to work.

I have started work only for 3 days and already I miss my home. On the first day, I thought about the garden view outside my window. On the second day of work, I thought, 'What the heck am I doing here? I don't belong here. There must be a better way of earning a living.' On the third day, I daydreamt about doing freelance work or working from home. Today, I discovered yet another reason not to work. I gotta settle in to work life soon or I will go crazy just struggling with this feeling of 'I don't belong here. But I need to be here.' Or I need to have a 1 or 2 or 3-year exit plan.

Maybe I just need time to adjust. Maybe I will be more motivated to stay when I see my pay slip and bonuses. Maybe I should migrate. Maybe I should just choose to lead a simple one-income family life. I don't know what I want but at least now I know the many benefits of not working in a box.

196 golden days

I can't believe half a year has passed me by. It seems like yesterday that I made the very hard decision to stop work and stay at home. I was inspired by an article about an american woman who dropped everything she owned and achieved to live a simple life in a foreign land. I was unhappy at work and at home for a while. I was frustrated at having to do things to please everyone. Basically, I was spread so thin I could barely breathe, literally. So against all rational thoughts and hesitation, I took the plunge. And the learning curve was steep.

I disliked staying at home at first. I disliked the housework and cooking botched meals for 2 unappreciative boys while getting cuts and burns in the process. I disliked the monotony of sending and picking up the kids and having no specific and meaningful things to excite me. Then, slowly and surely the learning curve got smoother and the elder prince started his CCA, giving me 2 afternoons to myself. I began to enjoy being at home, admiring my neatly hung laundry and proudly presenting my flavourful lunches to the princes.

The 2 one-dish meals that I have mastered well are chicken fillet and claypot rice.

Staying at home has many advantages, although many working moms feel that working has more advantages. This is a perenial debate that can go on until the cows come home and get themselves slaughtered. I have been on both sides of the fence and I can only say that it is good to experience both at different stages in your life. Life is not one straight line. In life's all important journey to fulfillment, we take different paths and sometimes stray a little to explore what's on the less trodden trails. We could choose to take the safe, straight highway to reach our goals or we could take the scenic route, which although takes longer to reach our destination, is probably more fun and enriching. Taking time off work feels a little like taking the scenic route. I go off course for a while and may take some time to catch up, but along the way, I gained perspectives and valuable experiences.

The many rewards of staying home for half a year:

1) Better skin
This is the first thing I noticed when I stopped work. The skin on my back is completely without pimples or blemishes. I myself am surprised at how smooth and clear my back skin is. My facial complexion still remains unchanged though, so it's really amazing. Maybe not working drains toxin from my body?

2) Opportunities to learn new things
With me being at home all the time, I'm always available to listen to problems and trivial gossips and of course teachable moments. I have taught the princes to resolve conflicts peacefully with their friends with great success, did art projects, created clay robots with them and taught them to play some simple card games. They are also able to perform simple household chores such as folding clothes and washing their own school shoes. The elder prince can even clean the floor. The princes also picked up cycling with ease. No rushing, just plain enjoying the process of learning how to cycle - first with 4 wheels, then 3 and 2. They are better cyclists than me now. For me, my biggest achievement in terms of learning new things is that I now can proudly boast that I can cook a full meal (up to 4 dishes) with ease. More importantly, I learn not to take things seriously. I learn not to rush things unnecessarily and to be in tune with myself and my family.

Our homemade clay robots. The princes had a competition after that to see whose robot could wobble faster.

The little prince's art project, made of egg carton, tissue box and other recycled stuff. It got selected to be displayed in the school.

The princes learned 21 and gin rummy quickly. No gambling allowed, of course. A rare set of cards by 3 players.

The little prince showing off some biker moves.

Learning how to blow a bubble gum.

3) Smelling the roses
With no work stress riding on my back, I'm better able to appreciate my surroundings and have fun with my family. Before, I hardly walked around the condo that I have lived in for 5 years. In the last half a year, at least twice a week, I would walk for half an hour around the estate with my younger prince while he cycled. I was also less hung up about things like what they should do or eat. Mostly, I try to give them healthy food but when my younger prince requested for chocolate waffle for lunch one day, I said, 'why not'. When the princes made rude jokes about farts and shit and their er-hems, I laughed and told them not to repeat the jokes to others. We also made up silly songs, commercials and dance moves, sometimes witnessed by some poor unwilling audiences, when the lift door opens suddenly. We often laughed after these incidences and hissed 'embarassing!' to each other and then continue doing them. Basically, I want to have fun with my kids without them feeling that they need to be wary of me. Of course, when they are out of line, they do time in the corner.


The little prince enjoying his choc waffle lunch.

I like spending time with little prince. He's always full of laughter and joy. Very infectious.


Roughing out at the pool.

A game of UNO.


Game of Life - Spongebob Square Pants edition. In this game, transformer and squidward faced off.


Elder prince entertaining himself with the laundry basket.

I also learned to relax more easily. In the past, I could not even relax on the spa bed. The masseuse would be asking me why my breathing was so laboured. Now, I learn to stare out my window without panicking and thinking, 'why the heck am I wasting precious time staring into space? I have to do this and this.....'. I like to stand at my kitchen window/balcony with a cookie or a drink in my hand and watch kids playing or the gardener trim or water the plants (no, I'm not a desperate housewife and the gardener is no shirtless hunk). I also make more impulsive decisions like going to Switzerland on a moment's notice. I panicked when my hubby booked the tickets, thinking, 'what have I done?!' But it was one of the best decisions I have made, like my decision to take time off work. Both were made on the same premise - although we are poorer financially, we are richer in experience.

My favourite view from my living room window.

4) Exercise
Working up a sweat needs time. With more time, I am able to lose a little weight exercising although I figured if I had also dieted, I might have achieved my happy weight by now. But then again, I like my food and I might as well enjoy them while I still have my teeth and my health.

Now that I have come to the end of my 196 days of hiatus, I shall not feel sad. I must learn not to wait for life to throw roses at me. I will learn to pursue a purpose and passion-driven life, every single day. Even in my darkest moments or moments when I lose purpose, I will remember to deliberately go into the 'woods' to find my peace and joy.

I wished to live deliberately...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived … I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."

Henry David Thoreau

Recently, I had a bicycle accident that got everyone talking. The wound on my arm is rather nasty. I had not cycled for a long time and I did not have a proper bicycle but one day, my elder prince asked me to cycle with him, suggesting that I took his bike while he took his brother's. On impulse, I went along. I had forgotten how exhilarating it was to wheel down a slope and feel the wind in your hair. I had much fun but alas, I passed a narrow path and hit an aluminium wall at a construction site and scraped off more skin than I could bear. The pain I suffered from this accident lasted for days and I suspect there would be a scar.

At first, I regretted going for that bike trip but upon reflection, it gave me and my prince much joy, so it was worth it. I also realised that I had more wounds and bruises during this half year of hiatus than I had in my entire adult life. Then, it dawned on me that when you live life fully, you will have more chances of falling, literally and metaphorically. And falling is good. Not leading a perfectly well-planned and safe life felt good. And that is what I have done in the last half a year - I have climbed mountains, numbed my feet in the icy spring water, bathed naked in the open alps, acted silly in public with my kids, got cuts and bruises from water slides, cycling, cooking and challenged myself with new things like creating a blog, exploring the unknown, etc. Living life to the fullest does not mean perpetual happiness and comfort. It means you have made the decicion to live life deliberately and passionately, without fear and hesitation.

I love the movie, Dead Poets' Society where the above quote was uttered. Sometimes chasing one's dreams can be extremely hard but what is life if we allow others to dictate how we should live it? It's good not to work once in a while for it is when we are still that we are able to think clearly what we want out of life and appreciate life as it is, without the complications of materialism and human politics. I will always remember this half a year of my life in 2008 when I 'went to the woods...'

Do You Remember...

For those who grew up in the 80s and 90s, coke commercials were very prevalent and hip. That's before all the other more advanced, special-effects commercials came along.

This one is so corny and catchy that I still remember how my frens and cousins used to sing to this along with me. It was kidish but good old fashion fun, back in the days when the gameboys and x-boxes were not invented. Just like we used to memorise the MacDonald's Big Mac jingle, 'Two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun' or something like that. Kids nowadays don't get to do fun things like that anymore.

I also remember the Jim Beam commercial where I fell in love with the very rugged kevin sorbo of hercules fame and his famous one-liner, 'This ain't jim beam' although I heard the drink tastes awful. I'm not able to find a video of that commercial though :(

A Little Experiment

I have been conducting a little experiment in the last few weeks. I decided that before I go back to work, I wanna see if I could be more patient and peaceful. This decision was spurred by a comment by one of my friends who noted that staying at home had made me a nicer and more patient person. I knew that I was impatient and sometimes aggressive. Ok, I'm impatient and aggressive. But I was still surprised at her comment. In the last couple of months, I did notice that I smile more and lose my temper less frequently, except for a few days every month.

I also wanted to see if I did my part in being a nice s'porean, would other s'poreans reciprocate? The first and most difficult test of one's patience is on the s'pore roads. I started by not driving in a hurried manner because when speed gets the adrenaline pumped up, hell some how breaks loose. I also tried to be courteous by waving my hand and smiling to the driver when I need to cut his lane in a crowded situation and consciously gave way to other cars. For this experiment, I would say 75% of the time, drivers reacted by being less aggressive. They did not horn at me and some times gave way to me. I was also less stressed out. I was amazed at the power of hand-waving. I guess drivers tend not to be nice because we are all boxed up in steel containers and we couldn't communicate other than by horning or hand gestures (good and bad ones), so a friendly wave is a good way to say, 'thanks' or 'excuse me, please'.

Note to self: Use friendly hand-waving often.

A new korean family shifted in next door a few weeks ago. I had wanted to start a conversation with the woman, who always brings her son for a walk, but never made eye contact with me. One day, while in the lift, I saw the boy holding a ball, so I said 'hi' to him and asked him if he liked playing ball. The mother smiled at me and we started talking. Score!

Note to self: Don't be afraid to initiate a conversation with strangers.

Like most people, I buy things for my parents, especially food, when it is convenient. But recently when the weather became unbearably hot, I drove all the way to bedok camp to buy the famouse 'qing tang' for my dad and my parents-in-law. As my dad owns a provision shop in the heartlands, the heat gets to him more than others. I bought 'qing tang' and lunch for him a couple of times for the last few weeks. My dad is not a man of many words or affection but I knew he appreciated my gesture when he bought me a packet of my favourite 'bak kwa' 2 days ago. He is a good father but also a very busy one, so I can count with my fingers the number of times he actually bought stuff for me. As for my mother-in-law, it was a long-drawn test of patience. However, it was worth it because her attitude towards me also became warmer over the years.

Note to self: Investment in people always reaps rewards no matter how long it takes.

I realise that in the past I was so busy and distracted that I hardly bothered to build relationship with others, even my family and friends. It was always 'touch and go'. It was the same in my relationship with God. When I stopped work, I was less distracted and I made a conscious effort to understand my kids better and spend more time with my parents. I also begin to spend more time praying and studying God's words and see that being a perfectionist is more harmful than useful. To have peace in my life, I find that being efficient yet not getting upset over mistakes or oversights is the way to go. Because, 10 years from now, I will forget those silly incidents but I will remember that I have made a difference in my relationship with people that matter.

Father's Love Letter

What is Father's Love Letter?

Father's Love Letter is a compilation of Bible verses from both the Old & New Testaments that are presented in the form of a love letter from God to us.

There are testimonies from thousands of people all over the world who have had a life-changing encounter with God while experiencing the message found in Father's Love Letter. Since 1999, this message has been downloaded from http://www.fathersloveletter.com/ in 85+ languages from people in over 125 nations. It has also appeared as full page newspaper ads and has even delivered to every home in entire nations.

This letter is the best love letter one can ever read and receive. I like the audio version. Sounds like Kenny Rogers :)

http://www.fathersloveletter.com/audio.html

Father's Love Letter

My Child, You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad, Almighty God