The grand scheme of life

One baseball player who made it to the baseball hall of fame was asked what he wished someone would have told him when he first started playing baseball. He replied, "I wish that someone would have told me that when you reach the top, there's nothing there."

There is also the story of a very wealthy man who said in his last days that he wished he had spent more time with his wife (he was divorced many times) and his children. Many people fervently pursue so-called successes only to realise their emptiness after years have been wasted.

I have heard so much power-struggle and office politics in the last few weeks from the private to the public sector to the self-help industry that makes me ask, "what's the grand scheme of things here? Is it power? Is it control? Is it fear?" I feel tired just listening to these, what more partaking in them. I guess I was lucky enough never having to dabble in politics. Basically, I refuse to be part of it, even though that does not give me immunity from it. I have been a victim of politics a few times but survived. A little bruises here and there but no great harm done. Maybe I was never in that kind of high position where politics can literally kill one's career.

But seriously, if it's not a matter of life (like losing one's job) and death (career death, that is), is it worth wasting time and energy to think of ways to outdo one another and be seen as the victor/ not the loser?

A couple of years ago, it would have bothered me very much about being seen as a loser in my career. But it occurred to me that many years from now, on my dying bed, I wouldn't remember or be remembered about being a star employee. That's not how I wanted it either. I'd rather be happy and carefree and know in my heart that I have been right with God. That does not mean that I absolve my responsibilities from being a good employee. I am accountable for the salary that I am paid but I will not make casualities of anyone (including myself and my family) because of it.

The bible says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30) and “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10b).

I am not a good christian, yet, but I know that putting God as the centre of my life is probably the best bet there is. He is the grand designer and my compass for the grand scheme in life. I can't think of a better life coach.

Save more, live simply

I watched an episode of Oprah the other day (this is the good thing about having the mornings to yourself) that features how to cut waste and live simply. It's amazing how wasteful the average family is. We leave the TV on as we fall asleep or do other things while the TV/computer is on, abuse plastic utensils, buy tons of clothes which we never wear, etc.

It got me thinking about my own spending habits. After admonishing a colleague for buying more sweaters/cardigans, I did an inventory of my own cardigan collection and was amazed that I have 16 cardigans. Just cardigans, not including sweaters and other long-sleeve shirts. I also did a check of clothes that I had bought but not worn. There are quite a few of them. So I told myself, 'Ok, no more buying of clothes unless the damn piece of fabric totally blows me away or it's a darn shame not to buy it cos it's so cheap and good.' I hope I can hold on to my promise cos I have been known to make such a promise and broke it like the very next day. Anyways, times are tough and although I'm lucky to still have a stable job, bonuses are going to be lean. So now is as good as any time to start reining in the spending monster and live a simpler life.

Here are some tips which I found on MSN Money on how to start using our resources wisely. I have also added my own:

1. Eliminate premium channels from our cable TV service.
2. Reduce phone extras such as call forwarding or waiting. I save $5 per month on caller ID.
3. Investigate whether bundled service (phone, high-speed Internet and cable television) might save us money.
4. Wash only full loads of dishes or clothes.
5. Use a clothesline and use dryer just to soften air-dried clothes.
6. Switch to compact-fluorescent bulbs, and turn them off when not needed. Turn off TVs, computers and other electronics when not in use.
7. Bring lunches and snacks to work.
8. Cook once, eat twice: Double whatever you're making and freeze the excess for a later meal.
9. Avoid overpackaged, overprocessed and highly advertised foods. The closer a food is to its natural state, the less it tends to cost.
10. Buy fruits and vegetables in season.
11. Cruise through the fridge daily to use items before they go bad.
12. Give up a vice (smoking, drinking, soda, salty snack foods).
13. Shop on Thursdays when NTUC has its weekly specials and plan meals accordingly.
14. Find out what looks good on us and stick to classic styles that won't look weird next season.
15. Inventory our wardrobe and buy pieces that work with what we already own.
16. Avoid dry-clean-only clothing.
17. Make hair appointments at beauty schools or neighbourhood salons.
18. Drop the health club and form a walking or jogging group with friends.
19. Hold a clothing swap with friends.
20. Ask friends and relatives for hand-me-downs for kids.
21. Check out consignment and thrift stores for lightly used items.

22. Don't buy magazines and books. Borrow from the library.

Little hamster face

Ah San came to my office today to show off her little precious and also to distribute full-month cakes.

I really like little Lyra. She is so fiesty and expressive. In the short span of time here, she cooed, grunted, poohed, sucked noisily on her mom's er-hems and showed off her dimpled little smile.

My colleagues thought that she looked like me. They also said that she looked like a little hamster. Hmm...

I told Ah San, one of these days I'm going to kidnap little Lyra. Ooh!! She's so darn cute!

Another reason for not going to work

Today when I wore my glasses after switching on my PC at work, I discovered that the text on my PC screen seemed blurry. When I removed the glasses and looked again, it was clear. After half a year of not staring endlessly at the computer, I realised that my astigmatism was cured. Huh! Another reason not to work.

I have started work only for 3 days and already I miss my home. On the first day, I thought about the garden view outside my window. On the second day of work, I thought, 'What the heck am I doing here? I don't belong here. There must be a better way of earning a living.' On the third day, I daydreamt about doing freelance work or working from home. Today, I discovered yet another reason not to work. I gotta settle in to work life soon or I will go crazy just struggling with this feeling of 'I don't belong here. But I need to be here.' Or I need to have a 1 or 2 or 3-year exit plan.

Maybe I just need time to adjust. Maybe I will be more motivated to stay when I see my pay slip and bonuses. Maybe I should migrate. Maybe I should just choose to lead a simple one-income family life. I don't know what I want but at least now I know the many benefits of not working in a box.

196 golden days

I can't believe half a year has passed me by. It seems like yesterday that I made the very hard decision to stop work and stay at home. I was inspired by an article about an american woman who dropped everything she owned and achieved to live a simple life in a foreign land. I was unhappy at work and at home for a while. I was frustrated at having to do things to please everyone. Basically, I was spread so thin I could barely breathe, literally. So against all rational thoughts and hesitation, I took the plunge. And the learning curve was steep.

I disliked staying at home at first. I disliked the housework and cooking botched meals for 2 unappreciative boys while getting cuts and burns in the process. I disliked the monotony of sending and picking up the kids and having no specific and meaningful things to excite me. Then, slowly and surely the learning curve got smoother and the elder prince started his CCA, giving me 2 afternoons to myself. I began to enjoy being at home, admiring my neatly hung laundry and proudly presenting my flavourful lunches to the princes.

The 2 one-dish meals that I have mastered well are chicken fillet and claypot rice.

Staying at home has many advantages, although many working moms feel that working has more advantages. This is a perenial debate that can go on until the cows come home and get themselves slaughtered. I have been on both sides of the fence and I can only say that it is good to experience both at different stages in your life. Life is not one straight line. In life's all important journey to fulfillment, we take different paths and sometimes stray a little to explore what's on the less trodden trails. We could choose to take the safe, straight highway to reach our goals or we could take the scenic route, which although takes longer to reach our destination, is probably more fun and enriching. Taking time off work feels a little like taking the scenic route. I go off course for a while and may take some time to catch up, but along the way, I gained perspectives and valuable experiences.

The many rewards of staying home for half a year:

1) Better skin
This is the first thing I noticed when I stopped work. The skin on my back is completely without pimples or blemishes. I myself am surprised at how smooth and clear my back skin is. My facial complexion still remains unchanged though, so it's really amazing. Maybe not working drains toxin from my body?

2) Opportunities to learn new things
With me being at home all the time, I'm always available to listen to problems and trivial gossips and of course teachable moments. I have taught the princes to resolve conflicts peacefully with their friends with great success, did art projects, created clay robots with them and taught them to play some simple card games. They are also able to perform simple household chores such as folding clothes and washing their own school shoes. The elder prince can even clean the floor. The princes also picked up cycling with ease. No rushing, just plain enjoying the process of learning how to cycle - first with 4 wheels, then 3 and 2. They are better cyclists than me now. For me, my biggest achievement in terms of learning new things is that I now can proudly boast that I can cook a full meal (up to 4 dishes) with ease. More importantly, I learn not to take things seriously. I learn not to rush things unnecessarily and to be in tune with myself and my family.

Our homemade clay robots. The princes had a competition after that to see whose robot could wobble faster.

The little prince's art project, made of egg carton, tissue box and other recycled stuff. It got selected to be displayed in the school.

The princes learned 21 and gin rummy quickly. No gambling allowed, of course. A rare set of cards by 3 players.

The little prince showing off some biker moves.

Learning how to blow a bubble gum.

3) Smelling the roses
With no work stress riding on my back, I'm better able to appreciate my surroundings and have fun with my family. Before, I hardly walked around the condo that I have lived in for 5 years. In the last half a year, at least twice a week, I would walk for half an hour around the estate with my younger prince while he cycled. I was also less hung up about things like what they should do or eat. Mostly, I try to give them healthy food but when my younger prince requested for chocolate waffle for lunch one day, I said, 'why not'. When the princes made rude jokes about farts and shit and their er-hems, I laughed and told them not to repeat the jokes to others. We also made up silly songs, commercials and dance moves, sometimes witnessed by some poor unwilling audiences, when the lift door opens suddenly. We often laughed after these incidences and hissed 'embarassing!' to each other and then continue doing them. Basically, I want to have fun with my kids without them feeling that they need to be wary of me. Of course, when they are out of line, they do time in the corner.


The little prince enjoying his choc waffle lunch.

I like spending time with little prince. He's always full of laughter and joy. Very infectious.


Roughing out at the pool.

A game of UNO.


Game of Life - Spongebob Square Pants edition. In this game, transformer and squidward faced off.


Elder prince entertaining himself with the laundry basket.

I also learned to relax more easily. In the past, I could not even relax on the spa bed. The masseuse would be asking me why my breathing was so laboured. Now, I learn to stare out my window without panicking and thinking, 'why the heck am I wasting precious time staring into space? I have to do this and this.....'. I like to stand at my kitchen window/balcony with a cookie or a drink in my hand and watch kids playing or the gardener trim or water the plants (no, I'm not a desperate housewife and the gardener is no shirtless hunk). I also make more impulsive decisions like going to Switzerland on a moment's notice. I panicked when my hubby booked the tickets, thinking, 'what have I done?!' But it was one of the best decisions I have made, like my decision to take time off work. Both were made on the same premise - although we are poorer financially, we are richer in experience.

My favourite view from my living room window.

4) Exercise
Working up a sweat needs time. With more time, I am able to lose a little weight exercising although I figured if I had also dieted, I might have achieved my happy weight by now. But then again, I like my food and I might as well enjoy them while I still have my teeth and my health.

Now that I have come to the end of my 196 days of hiatus, I shall not feel sad. I must learn not to wait for life to throw roses at me. I will learn to pursue a purpose and passion-driven life, every single day. Even in my darkest moments or moments when I lose purpose, I will remember to deliberately go into the 'woods' to find my peace and joy.

I wished to live deliberately...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived … I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."

Henry David Thoreau

Recently, I had a bicycle accident that got everyone talking. The wound on my arm is rather nasty. I had not cycled for a long time and I did not have a proper bicycle but one day, my elder prince asked me to cycle with him, suggesting that I took his bike while he took his brother's. On impulse, I went along. I had forgotten how exhilarating it was to wheel down a slope and feel the wind in your hair. I had much fun but alas, I passed a narrow path and hit an aluminium wall at a construction site and scraped off more skin than I could bear. The pain I suffered from this accident lasted for days and I suspect there would be a scar.

At first, I regretted going for that bike trip but upon reflection, it gave me and my prince much joy, so it was worth it. I also realised that I had more wounds and bruises during this half year of hiatus than I had in my entire adult life. Then, it dawned on me that when you live life fully, you will have more chances of falling, literally and metaphorically. And falling is good. Not leading a perfectly well-planned and safe life felt good. And that is what I have done in the last half a year - I have climbed mountains, numbed my feet in the icy spring water, bathed naked in the open alps, acted silly in public with my kids, got cuts and bruises from water slides, cycling, cooking and challenged myself with new things like creating a blog, exploring the unknown, etc. Living life to the fullest does not mean perpetual happiness and comfort. It means you have made the decicion to live life deliberately and passionately, without fear and hesitation.

I love the movie, Dead Poets' Society where the above quote was uttered. Sometimes chasing one's dreams can be extremely hard but what is life if we allow others to dictate how we should live it? It's good not to work once in a while for it is when we are still that we are able to think clearly what we want out of life and appreciate life as it is, without the complications of materialism and human politics. I will always remember this half a year of my life in 2008 when I 'went to the woods...'

Do You Remember...

For those who grew up in the 80s and 90s, coke commercials were very prevalent and hip. That's before all the other more advanced, special-effects commercials came along.

This one is so corny and catchy that I still remember how my frens and cousins used to sing to this along with me. It was kidish but good old fashion fun, back in the days when the gameboys and x-boxes were not invented. Just like we used to memorise the MacDonald's Big Mac jingle, 'Two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun' or something like that. Kids nowadays don't get to do fun things like that anymore.

I also remember the Jim Beam commercial where I fell in love with the very rugged kevin sorbo of hercules fame and his famous one-liner, 'This ain't jim beam' although I heard the drink tastes awful. I'm not able to find a video of that commercial though :(