Control freak? Who? Me?

I've been accused of being many kinds of freaks - clean freak is the most common one. Recently, I have been accused of being a control freak. What the ?! How am I a control freak huh? Just because I plan my travel itinery months ahead and have a packing list that wows many and prefers to know every single damn thing in advance doesn't make me a control freak!! Or that I like my laundry hang a certain way and my children to be in bed by 9.30pm. These are normal expectations right? I'm in no way freakish. Insecure maybe. And paranoid. But a control freak I am not.

So those people who think I am a control freak, stop it right now!

Diamonds in the rough

Last evening, when I was sweating it out on the treadmill at the gym and not entirely feeling on top of the world, something beautiful happened that warmed my heart. My older prince entered the gym and gestured to an umbrella that he placed at the door, knowing that I wouldn't talk to him because I was plugged to the MP3. Then he left. I saw him walking home in the dark rainy night with his own tiny green umbrella. He had given me the bigger umbrella. At that moment, I felt so much love for him.

When I reached home, I told him how much I appreciated his gesture. The prince, of course, just brushed it off with his usual laid-back manner. My hubby confirmed that he did not ask the older prince to bring me the umbrella. I could have guessed as much. It just wasn't my hubby's style. I shared with him my pride in older prince and related another incident where little prince told me, "You're a good mom." while we snuggled up before bedtime one day. Four little simple words but what impact it made on me. Hubby listened in silence but I could sense just a little tinge of jealousy on his face.

We always complained about how naughty and lazy our children are but hardly 'catch' them doing the right thing. Our children's thoughtful efforts can easily be overlooked, like blindspots, if we don't take time to notice them. Once we allow ourselves to enter into the world of these little people, we will be pleasantly surprised to see diamonds in the rough. I was dazzled by one last evening.

Let the mane thing be the main thing

I have a full head of long thick hair. Many people have told me that they envied me for having so much hair and never having to worry about going bald. I always tell them that being hairy has its woes, like how incredibly hot it is to walk under the Singapore sun. It's like wearing a sweater on my head in summer. Unlike girls with tamed, nicely-coifed do, I always found it a challenge to style my wavy thick blob of mess. So I end up tying it half-way. This has been my hairdo for years. It's safe and fuss-free. In fact, I've taken such a nonchalant attitude to my hair that I simply couldn't be bothered to blow dry or comb it. In short, I took my hair for granted.

Last Friday, after coming home from a night out with my girlfriends, I washed my hair (although I neglect my hair, I'm still a clean freak!) and went to bed. The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache. I call it the 'mother of all headaches' as it refused to leave me alone for the entire weekend. At first I thought my lack of sleep could be the cause of it but upon some reflection, I realised that I have been sleeping with wet hair quite frequently. Maybe it wasn't an old wives tale afterall. Maybe we really shouldn't sleep with wet hair. Anyhow, I've decided that in order to prevent myself from future pains in the head, henceforth, I shall take good care of my hair. Making sure it's dry before I go to bed would be the first step. But don't expect me to comb or dye or do anything glamorous with my hair (except for glamorous occasions which, thankfully, hardly ever happens). I intend to keep my hair the way God has intended it to be - beautifully untamed.

To be 17 again...

Caught the zac efron show last night with my 11 year old prince. Why did I spend good money on a lame teen flick? Well, the appropriate answer would be that I was being a good parent acceding to a son's request. But actually a part of me wanted to watch that show. Plus, it doesn't hurt that zac efron is super cute.

I wanted to see if the movie could address my curiosity on the 'second life'. Don't all of us at some point in our lives wished that we could start over again; be given a second chance to lead a different life? If only I had studied harder and got a masters or phd and be a psychologist like I always wanted to. If only I had parents and siblings who gave good advice and guided me through life instead of letting me fall again and again. And would I lead a more exciting life if I had not married or had children? I wish I had cooler friends, a cooler job and a cooler me.

The protagonist in the movie, Mike, led his life full of regrets and bitterness because he felt that life had shortchanged him through missed opportunities. Through some warped encounter, he became 17 again and realised that because of his self-absorption, he failed to see his son's struggle with self-esteem, his daughter's desperate need for love and acceptance and his wife's unhappiness with an emotionally absent husband. As with all family movie with a moral message, Mike had an epiphany - he didn't want another chance to live his life over. He needed a second chance to restore his passion for and dedication to his marriage and family. It's a lesson on wanting what you have, not having what you want. If only all of us could reach such enlightenment.

Another thing that struck me about the story is that Mike's desires and fears are so similar to our own. His fear is the fear of most middle-aged adults - mediocrity. Most of us want to experience greatness in our lives. We are afraid of being invisible, forgotten, insignificant. Sometimes, I do wonder: could I have been successful if I had chosen a different path? I guess I could but would I be happy? It's hard to tell. Not many people can handle greatness. Look at Britney Spears and George Michael. They are icons but they are such a mess.

The movie is not a hit but it does make me think deeper about life, so I supposed the $16 is money well-spent afterall. I tried to analyse the movie with older prince as I always like to do but I guess to a pre-teen, life ain't worth analysing. Wait till he's 37. He will understand some day that youth does not last forever and that life ain't simple.

An old friend visits...

Mel is an old friend from way back in the uni days. When I first met her, I thought she looked like a very pretty Malay girl. We met through a mutual friend, Huixian. She was studying for her secretary course then. We clicked right away and that was the beginning of a string of saturday night partying, which also led to her meeting her husband.

Melinda has always been a fun-loving girl and our laughter has what you might call a 'stereo surround sound effect'. We had our first boyfriends together. Our boyfriends also knew each other. My relationship didn't last but hers did. She and her husband moved to Canada about 9 years ago, much to my dismay. She was back only once about 6 or 7 years ago, so in March when she came back for a month with her son, whom I have never met, I was estatic.

Together with Huixian and their sons, we went to the zoo, buffets, shopping, stayed overnight at rasa sentosa and had long chats. Mel has changed quite a bit and so have I. I think motherhood has made us more mellow and mature, yet we still find common things to talk and laugh about. Although we have not seen each other for years, the bond is still strong. Friends whom we grow up with will always have a special place in our hearts no matter how many new friends we make along the way or how long we have been apart. I look forward to more good times when you visit next year, Mel.

The farewell dinner at Tunglok Nobel House.

Mel still maintains her youthful figure and looks. Must be the Canada weather.

She loves this blue dress I bought for her.

Building sandcastles on the sentoa beach.

The little boys of Huixian and Melinda. Fate has it that all 3 of us have boys to torture us.

Torturing captured on camera.

Mel at the Toa Payoh foodcourt. She had cravings for beef noodles and bak chor mee and any Singaporean and Malaysian food.

Why God made little boys

I had always thought that I would be one of those stratford moms - calm and always so sophisticated, never yelling at my children, who, by the way, would always be clean and well-behaved. I also imagined that I would have dainty daughters to go high-tea and shopping with and share all the girly secrets with. When my princes were babies, they were oh-so-cute and sweet.

In recent years, they suddenly grew out of their baby-cuteness and became... gasp! Boys! To the uninitiated, esteemed mom of boys need to be tough. Not just tough in a physical sense, but tough as in I-don't-buy-your-s**t tough. And you must learn to take in all kinds of nonsense (such as gruesome jokes of s**t, violent display of 'boy play', dramatic phoney bambi-eye moments) without batting an eyelid. It's crucial for survival in this testosterone-jungle.

I was recently hit with a giddy aura of smelly shirts and loud noises at my older prince's birthday. At 11, he only wanted to invite boys to his birthday party as 'girls were silly and annoying'. In the short span of 3 hours, I witnessed shouting, laughter, quarelling, wrestling, teasing, vomitting, messy food area and dirty faces and feet. At some point during the party, I told my friend that if this had been a girl's party, it would have been a lot neater, quieter and saner. She looked at me sympathetically and agreed whole-hearted as she also has a boy.

But then during the party, I also saw my older prince standing up for my friend's 6-year boy who was trying hard to snatch the basketball from the bigger boys. I saw him passing the ball to the little fellow and hoisting him close to the net to score a point. His little friend was grinning happily when everyone cheered for him. My heart exploded with pride. I never thought much about how lovable boys can be.

I began to count all the ways that having boys is good for mothers and felt blessed and lucky to be the mother of my princes.

There is a poem entitled 'Why God Made Little Boys' which really describes how boys should be appreciated - as they are - funny and courageous.

God made a world out of His dreams,
Of magic mountains, oceans and streams;
Prairies and plains and wooded land.
He then paused and thought,
"I need someone to stand on top of the mountains,
To conquer the sea,
Explore the plains and climb the trees,
Someone to start out small and grow sturdy,
And strong like a tree"
And so... He created boys,
Full of spirit and fun to explore and conquer,
To romp and run
With dirty faces, banged up chins,
With courageous hearts and boyish grins.
When He had completed the task He'd begun,
He surely said, "That's a job well done."

God's wonderful creation - boys. Older prince with his 'ya ya' brotherhood.

Little prince with his little friends

Older prince wrote this in his school student handbook... Hope the teacher is not a detailed reader.

Being 'zen'

Recently, in my office, there is this joke about being 'zen' when the going gets tough. I had read a work-related email that was suppossed to be worrying and stressful but for some (sick) reasons, it tickled me so much I couldn't stop laughing. My colleagues thought I had gone bonkers.

In the past, when things got stressful, I would have been irritated and blown my top. Now, I am not so bothered any more. At first, I thought that must be a good thing but then on second thoughts, I might be repressing the negative emotions within me cos I still had problems sleeping at night. I guess for that particular incident, I had looked at the the picture from the outside, like a third party and somehow found it ridiculous yet funny.

Anyway, there is really no point getting stressed over things that are beyond my control. There is a theory that we all have our small sphere of influence. Beyond that sphere, we have no control and if we try, we get frustrated and unduly stressed.

'Zening' is not necessarily a bad thing. It's different from being apathetic though. 'Zening' by my definition, simply means ' don't sweat the stuff you can't control'. So, I'm going to try to 'zen'. ohm...