Few Good Men... in Singapore?

In my recent conversations with my friends, we all lamented that there are no more good men left in s'pore. One of my friends told me that many of her colleagues' husbands are cheating on the wives, and these are good-looking wives. Some other friends also complain about their husbands/ boyfriends being dumb or numb or a bump. They all put the blame on the men. Although I think cheating men are scums and that most men are dumb, I also feel that women need to do some self-reflection. Not saying that women who have unfaithful men are to be blamed but it's good to examine why they find another woman more attractive. Some men are just naturally scumbags but some may have wives who are just difficult to live with.

People have said that S'pore women are not that easy to deal with. My hubby once told me that if he wasn't married to me, he would have stayed single or get himself an exotic wife. Granted that statement needs to be discounted in view of the 'scoring brownie point' factor, I will not disagree with him. We are aggressive, unforgiving and sometimes unreasonable, and that's me included. Our men here have a hard time managing us.

I do admire kick-ass girls, like one of my friends who will not hesitate to give some kids a piece of her mind when she overheard them criticising about their parents in public. Or another one who scolded a man for not giving up his seat for a pregnant lady in the MRT. However, sometimes in our eagerness to appear assertive, we kick wrong innocent asses or injure some asses unnecessarily. I, myself, sometimes find it hard to stand my ground and remain gracious in this city of competition - for seats, for sale items, for our voices to be heard. One classic example, I went to a movie with my kid and brought along our lunches. The ticketing guy stopped me at the entrance and told me that I could not bring outside food into the cinema, despite the fact that I have bought popcorn and soft drink from the cinema vendor. I demanded to see the manager, who insisted that I collect the food from him after the movie. That got me mad. I gave him a big piece of my mind and stormed into the cinema depsite his protests. Although it was a stupid rule, on hindsight, I could have dealt with it better. I'm not saying that all s'pore women are bitches but sometimes, we assert our rights a little too much and it can be scary.

Another thing about women, which is universal, is that we enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations. We can't expect a man who knows no difference between Tiffany and Taka jewelry to suddenly be an expert in buying us excellent gifts. Men get confused when we get angry over things like this. It's not their fault. They are slow-learners. And when you ask them to help with housework, just shut up and let them do their stuff. As long as the house is not on fire and the kids are not lost or hurt, let them rule the house for that moment. If your husband is housework-duh, teach him patiently and allow mistakes.

The way I see it is, men are like children. Set some basic rules and agreement that cannot be compromised, e.g., be home by 11pm or no divulging of couple secrets/bedroom matters to outsiders, etc. As for the rest, go with the flow. Choose your battles wisely and don't sweat the small stuff. This way, the world is a lot more peaceful and you have a partner who appreciates you for not running down his back all the time. This marriage thing is not easy. After 13 years of ups and downs and ins and outs, I'm still figuring it out. Thing is, men and women are very different yet similar. We have different likes (for men, it's basically sex and for women it's shopping) and dislikes (for some men, it's shopping, for some women, it's sex). But for sure, both men and women share one thing in common - we want to love and feel loved, respected and appreciated. So if we work on the similarities more than the differences, we should be alright.