I have been conducting a little experiment in the last few weeks. I decided that before I go back to work, I wanna see if I could be more patient and peaceful. This decision was spurred by a comment by one of my friends who noted that staying at home had made me a nicer and more patient person. I knew that I was impatient and sometimes aggressive. Ok, I'm impatient and aggressive. But I was still surprised at her comment. In the last couple of months, I did notice that I smile more and lose my temper less frequently, except for a few days every month.
I also wanted to see if I did my part in being a nice s'porean, would other s'poreans reciprocate? The first and most difficult test of one's patience is on the s'pore roads. I started by not driving in a hurried manner because when speed gets the adrenaline pumped up, hell some how breaks loose. I also tried to be courteous by waving my hand and smiling to the driver when I need to cut his lane in a crowded situation and consciously gave way to other cars. For this experiment, I would say 75% of the time, drivers reacted by being less aggressive. They did not horn at me and some times gave way to me. I was also less stressed out. I was amazed at the power of hand-waving. I guess drivers tend not to be nice because we are all boxed up in steel containers and we couldn't communicate other than by horning or hand gestures (good and bad ones), so a friendly wave is a good way to say, 'thanks' or 'excuse me, please'.
Note to self: Use friendly hand-waving often.
A new korean family shifted in next door a few weeks ago. I had wanted to start a conversation with the woman, who always brings her son for a walk, but never made eye contact with me. One day, while in the lift, I saw the boy holding a ball, so I said 'hi' to him and asked him if he liked playing ball. The mother smiled at me and we started talking. Score!
Note to self: Don't be afraid to initiate a conversation with strangers.
Like most people, I buy things for my parents, especially food, when it is convenient. But recently when the weather became unbearably hot, I drove all the way to bedok camp to buy the famouse 'qing tang' for my dad and my parents-in-law. As my dad owns a provision shop in the heartlands, the heat gets to him more than others. I bought 'qing tang' and lunch for him a couple of times for the last few weeks. My dad is not a man of many words or affection but I knew he appreciated my gesture when he bought me a packet of my favourite 'bak kwa' 2 days ago. He is a good father but also a very busy one, so I can count with my fingers the number of times he actually bought stuff for me. As for my mother-in-law, it was a long-drawn test of patience. However, it was worth it because her attitude towards me also became warmer over the years.
Note to self: Investment in people always reaps rewards no matter how long it takes.
I realise that in the past I was so busy and distracted that I hardly bothered to build relationship with others, even my family and friends. It was always 'touch and go'. It was the same in my relationship with God. When I stopped work, I was less distracted and I made a conscious effort to understand my kids better and spend more time with my parents. I also begin to spend more time praying and studying God's words and see that being a perfectionist is more harmful than useful. To have peace in my life, I find that being efficient yet not getting upset over mistakes or oversights is the way to go. Because, 10 years from now, I will forget those silly incidents but I will remember that I have made a difference in my relationship with people that matter.
