It's a battlefield out there!

As a parent, I make it a point to teach good values to my princes. Values such as honesty, respect, loyalty and love for family and friends and to do what is right, in God's eyes. I'm lucky that the princes are generally receptive to their mom's advice and guidance. They also have good influences from Sunday school and other positive mentors. Of course, like their mom, they are no saints. They have their moments but generally they have pretty good inbuilt moral compasses.

It is, therefore, utterly frustrating and sad when you groom a couple of good kids only to see them get slaughtered when they step into the world. What's a mother to do? Teach them to continue to be nice or fight back? For me, there is no way I will make nice when the person's behaviour is obviously of ill-intent, so I would be a hypocrite to teach my princes to do what I would not do. In very extreme situations, I passed them my own dose of wisdom - First, a gentlemen. Then a jerk. (A chinese proverb) Give the other party the benefit of the doubt first but when proven to be evil and unrepentent, you have the permission to return the favour.

I figure teaching them moral values without some defensive skills will be as good as sending a bunch of wagyu grade cows to a cheap slaughter house. And I really hate to see my precious get hurt. I am OK that they get the usual growing pains and challenges but when they give their all and have their hearts smashed into pieces, I ache for them. I cannot always be there for them, I tell them, so they need to learn how to outwit their enemies and take care of themselves and each other. It is a battlefield out there and the fight will not always be fair.

I guess if there is one disadvantage of being parent is that you always worry for your children and you never know, despite your best efforts, if they will turn out alright in the end. I guess like what Hal Runkel, a parenting expert, said in his book, Screamfree Parenting, 'Parents should always do our best but let go of the end result.' Letting your kids walk through fire on their own is an essential part of letting go. And the primary role of a parent is to work yourself out of a job. I'm still working on it...

Childlike

'A society in which adults are estranged from the world of children, and often from their own childhood, tends to hear children's speech only as a foreign language, or as a lie. Children have been treated as congenital fibbers, fakers and fantasisers.'- Beatrix Campbell, British journalist (1947- )

When I was a kid, my impression of mom was someone fun and easy to talk to. But somehow, when I grew into a teen, she also became an adult. A dull and stressed out adult. Recently, my 9 year old prince told me that my life is dull. He made that deduction after asking a series of questions, such as my hobbies, things that make me happy, etc. He is a smart kid and his analysis of his mom is not entirely wrong. I can be too serious at times, I have no hobbies to speak of and I can't remember the last time I had a proper date (er-hem, someone better take note).

I do take on the goofy mom persona once in a while but I guess the stress of living does get to me. After a while, I kind of forgot how to have fun. I become like my mom - dull and often stressed out. To kids, the world is a playground and they can find funny in any situation. Well, at least, my kids are like that. If not for them, I guess I will be even more dull. They remind me not to take life or myself too seriously. They taught me to 'chill-lax' - combination of chill out and relax and apparently a Gen Y term. I know I'm capable of that -when I don't have so many things on my mind. People close to me tell me I think too much while those who do not know me think that I am insensitive and often act on impulse. The woes of the misunderstood!

The last 10 years or so, mom became fun again, cracking jokes at others and herself and meeting up with her friends. I guess she learned to relax after her children reached adulthood. I hope I don't have to wait this long to live a well-lived and happy life. I guess my new year resolution will no longer be to lose 2 kg but to think more childlike and live a little.