It's a battlefield out there!

As a parent, I make it a point to teach good values to my princes. Values such as honesty, respect, loyalty and love for family and friends and to do what is right, in God's eyes. I'm lucky that the princes are generally receptive to their mom's advice and guidance. They also have good influences from Sunday school and other positive mentors. Of course, like their mom, they are no saints. They have their moments but generally they have pretty good inbuilt moral compasses.

It is, therefore, utterly frustrating and sad when you groom a couple of good kids only to see them get slaughtered when they step into the world. What's a mother to do? Teach them to continue to be nice or fight back? For me, there is no way I will make nice when the person's behaviour is obviously of ill-intent, so I would be a hypocrite to teach my princes to do what I would not do. In very extreme situations, I passed them my own dose of wisdom - First, a gentlemen. Then a jerk. (A chinese proverb) Give the other party the benefit of the doubt first but when proven to be evil and unrepentent, you have the permission to return the favour.

I figure teaching them moral values without some defensive skills will be as good as sending a bunch of wagyu grade cows to a cheap slaughter house. And I really hate to see my precious get hurt. I am OK that they get the usual growing pains and challenges but when they give their all and have their hearts smashed into pieces, I ache for them. I cannot always be there for them, I tell them, so they need to learn how to outwit their enemies and take care of themselves and each other. It is a battlefield out there and the fight will not always be fair.

I guess if there is one disadvantage of being parent is that you always worry for your children and you never know, despite your best efforts, if they will turn out alright in the end. I guess like what Hal Runkel, a parenting expert, said in his book, Screamfree Parenting, 'Parents should always do our best but let go of the end result.' Letting your kids walk through fire on their own is an essential part of letting go. And the primary role of a parent is to work yourself out of a job. I'm still working on it...