On having children

The other day, 2 of my friends announced that they were having girls, one being a second baby, the other a fourth. My happiness for them was genuine but so is my feeling of loss.

I have 2 wonderfully bright and goofy boys who make me laugh and fume every single day. There is never a dull moment with them. In fact there is never a 'pause' moment with them. They are always game for a game, a joke, an argument, a fight, whatever it takes to avoid sitting quietly on a chair. I believe the report about how having children shorten one's life is probably true, especially when you have boys. I love my boys to bits but some times, in rare pensive moments like when I stare out the window on a rainy day, I wonder if having a girl will make my life more complete. The other day, I casually asked my boys if they would like to have another sibling, they said yes, they would like to have a sister. The elder one's philosophy about it is so mature I can't believe he actually said it. He said that if I had a daughter, she would be able to do girly things with me like shopping. When I commented that he could also do these things with me, he qualified that he would just to please me but he wouldn't enjoy it whilst a daughter would make perfect sense and company for such activities. Ah! The wisdom of a 10-year old.

Well, all I can say is my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. To put it more bluntly, my eggs are lousy. They have disappointed me for the last one and a half years. To set the record straight, my husband is not to be blamed. The last we checked, he has enough healthy sperms to father a nation of children. But then because he is out of town half the time, our chances are halved. This coupled with a few remaining low quality eggs and some natural barriers (the 2 walking ever ready batteries), it will be almost be a miracle to ever have a baby. My friends have been amused by my extending deadline for having another baby. I had naively announced a few years ago that I would stop trying when I hit 35. Now I'm approachijng 37 and there is still not clear deadline in sight.

I have been praying to almighty God to either let me have a baby girl soon or help me make peace with myself if His plan for me is to be contented with 2 bubbly boys. I will continue to hope for the impossible while expecting a let down. At the meantime, I am looking forward to the arrival of 2 beautiful baby girls this year. It is a refreshing change after seeing all the boys around me. Seems like everyone is having boys! Perhaps I should also start eating less carbs as a study says that women who eats more carbs are prone to having boys. Damn those rice and potatoes!

Driving in Singapore roads

I witnessed a shocking and very close road accident on saturday. I was driving home after sending my son to his class and was behind this car that was turning into a small lane that I was also turning into. The car turned right into the small lane and I was about to follow it as it seemed safe to do so. Then, out of nowhere, a silver taxi appeared and crashed right into the left side of the car in front of me and sent it flying across the road, smashed into the traffic light and careened into the said small lane.

For that few seconds, the proverbial time stood still. I heard people screaming and saw people rushing to get a glimpse of the stunning accident that just took place. I froze behind my steering wheel and my mind went blank, until the car behind me honked for me to move. I drove slowly passed the wrecked car and the taxi, both badly damaged with smoke rising from the hoods. There were shattered pieces of glass and car parts on the roads. I saw that the driver of the car was a woman. She seemed ok because I saw her moved as if to remove her seat belt.

When I reached home, I immediately related the whole incident to my husband. We had a quarrel just before I left the house and I was determined not to speak to him when I return but this accident forced me to talk to him. I had to tell someone about my close encounter! I told him that that could have been me because, like the woman in the car, I failed to see the approaching taxi as well. There was another car on the lane nearer to us that was blocking the view. And the taxi was driving really fast, hence the great impact of the accident that left everyone stunned.

I guess the lady driver should have made sure that it was safe to proceed and not assume that all drivers are cautious even if she is not. In my last 3 years of driving, which is not a lot of experience but I do drive everyday, I feel that Singapore drivers are getting more and more reckless and impatient. They are also competitive and will try to prevent you from getting ahead of them. We are also dealing with a new breed of road rogues who disregard basic traffic rules such as red light and yellow boxes. They must think that they (1) have fantastic driving skills (2) are invincible (3) other drivers have good driving skills so will watch out for them.

When I am in a hurry, I tend to drive in an aggressive manner but I have since mellowed alot. Some of my colleagues used to be afraid to sit in my car because they feel I'm a fast and impatient driver, which admittedly I was and still am. I have tried to drive in a more leisurely manner but somehow the pace and pressure of the surrounding cars just push you along the road to a heightened heart rate and blood pressure. I hope the accident which I have witnessed will motivate me further to be a better driver. Afterall, reaching my destination a few minutes earlier won't necessarily enrich the quality of my life but being in a healthy state of mind certainly will.

Treading on unfamiliar grounds

I have been telling people that I'm gonna start a blog. Well, now I've done it. Not sure if I will keep it or like it. At the back of my mind, I keep worrying if blogging is tantamount to a display of an exhibitionistic trait. Besides, you never know who is reading your blog and what opinions he or she may form of you, without really knowing you. But what the heck, I'll move with the flow and see what happens.

It's been 3 weeks since I stay at home and I can't say I'm enjoying it. I'm a clean freak so I've been obsessed about keeping the house clean. And of course the 2 little rascals would not let me off so easily. They have been bugging me to play with them. And the worse part is their school hours are in different sessions, so I never have time to myself, except for Tuesdays when the littler rascal goes for his music rehearsals. I'm so looking forward to next Tues when both rascals will be at school till late pm. I'm going to have a nice leisure lunch and a facial.