Little hamster face

Ah San came to my office today to show off her little precious and also to distribute full-month cakes.

I really like little Lyra. She is so fiesty and expressive. In the short span of time here, she cooed, grunted, poohed, sucked noisily on her mom's er-hems and showed off her dimpled little smile.

My colleagues thought that she looked like me. They also said that she looked like a little hamster. Hmm...

I told Ah San, one of these days I'm going to kidnap little Lyra. Ooh!! She's so darn cute!

Another reason for not going to work

Today when I wore my glasses after switching on my PC at work, I discovered that the text on my PC screen seemed blurry. When I removed the glasses and looked again, it was clear. After half a year of not staring endlessly at the computer, I realised that my astigmatism was cured. Huh! Another reason not to work.

I have started work only for 3 days and already I miss my home. On the first day, I thought about the garden view outside my window. On the second day of work, I thought, 'What the heck am I doing here? I don't belong here. There must be a better way of earning a living.' On the third day, I daydreamt about doing freelance work or working from home. Today, I discovered yet another reason not to work. I gotta settle in to work life soon or I will go crazy just struggling with this feeling of 'I don't belong here. But I need to be here.' Or I need to have a 1 or 2 or 3-year exit plan.

Maybe I just need time to adjust. Maybe I will be more motivated to stay when I see my pay slip and bonuses. Maybe I should migrate. Maybe I should just choose to lead a simple one-income family life. I don't know what I want but at least now I know the many benefits of not working in a box.

196 golden days

I can't believe half a year has passed me by. It seems like yesterday that I made the very hard decision to stop work and stay at home. I was inspired by an article about an american woman who dropped everything she owned and achieved to live a simple life in a foreign land. I was unhappy at work and at home for a while. I was frustrated at having to do things to please everyone. Basically, I was spread so thin I could barely breathe, literally. So against all rational thoughts and hesitation, I took the plunge. And the learning curve was steep.

I disliked staying at home at first. I disliked the housework and cooking botched meals for 2 unappreciative boys while getting cuts and burns in the process. I disliked the monotony of sending and picking up the kids and having no specific and meaningful things to excite me. Then, slowly and surely the learning curve got smoother and the elder prince started his CCA, giving me 2 afternoons to myself. I began to enjoy being at home, admiring my neatly hung laundry and proudly presenting my flavourful lunches to the princes.

The 2 one-dish meals that I have mastered well are chicken fillet and claypot rice.

Staying at home has many advantages, although many working moms feel that working has more advantages. This is a perenial debate that can go on until the cows come home and get themselves slaughtered. I have been on both sides of the fence and I can only say that it is good to experience both at different stages in your life. Life is not one straight line. In life's all important journey to fulfillment, we take different paths and sometimes stray a little to explore what's on the less trodden trails. We could choose to take the safe, straight highway to reach our goals or we could take the scenic route, which although takes longer to reach our destination, is probably more fun and enriching. Taking time off work feels a little like taking the scenic route. I go off course for a while and may take some time to catch up, but along the way, I gained perspectives and valuable experiences.

The many rewards of staying home for half a year:

1) Better skin
This is the first thing I noticed when I stopped work. The skin on my back is completely without pimples or blemishes. I myself am surprised at how smooth and clear my back skin is. My facial complexion still remains unchanged though, so it's really amazing. Maybe not working drains toxin from my body?

2) Opportunities to learn new things
With me being at home all the time, I'm always available to listen to problems and trivial gossips and of course teachable moments. I have taught the princes to resolve conflicts peacefully with their friends with great success, did art projects, created clay robots with them and taught them to play some simple card games. They are also able to perform simple household chores such as folding clothes and washing their own school shoes. The elder prince can even clean the floor. The princes also picked up cycling with ease. No rushing, just plain enjoying the process of learning how to cycle - first with 4 wheels, then 3 and 2. They are better cyclists than me now. For me, my biggest achievement in terms of learning new things is that I now can proudly boast that I can cook a full meal (up to 4 dishes) with ease. More importantly, I learn not to take things seriously. I learn not to rush things unnecessarily and to be in tune with myself and my family.

Our homemade clay robots. The princes had a competition after that to see whose robot could wobble faster.

The little prince's art project, made of egg carton, tissue box and other recycled stuff. It got selected to be displayed in the school.

The princes learned 21 and gin rummy quickly. No gambling allowed, of course. A rare set of cards by 3 players.

The little prince showing off some biker moves.

Learning how to blow a bubble gum.

3) Smelling the roses
With no work stress riding on my back, I'm better able to appreciate my surroundings and have fun with my family. Before, I hardly walked around the condo that I have lived in for 5 years. In the last half a year, at least twice a week, I would walk for half an hour around the estate with my younger prince while he cycled. I was also less hung up about things like what they should do or eat. Mostly, I try to give them healthy food but when my younger prince requested for chocolate waffle for lunch one day, I said, 'why not'. When the princes made rude jokes about farts and shit and their er-hems, I laughed and told them not to repeat the jokes to others. We also made up silly songs, commercials and dance moves, sometimes witnessed by some poor unwilling audiences, when the lift door opens suddenly. We often laughed after these incidences and hissed 'embarassing!' to each other and then continue doing them. Basically, I want to have fun with my kids without them feeling that they need to be wary of me. Of course, when they are out of line, they do time in the corner.


The little prince enjoying his choc waffle lunch.

I like spending time with little prince. He's always full of laughter and joy. Very infectious.


Roughing out at the pool.

A game of UNO.


Game of Life - Spongebob Square Pants edition. In this game, transformer and squidward faced off.


Elder prince entertaining himself with the laundry basket.

I also learned to relax more easily. In the past, I could not even relax on the spa bed. The masseuse would be asking me why my breathing was so laboured. Now, I learn to stare out my window without panicking and thinking, 'why the heck am I wasting precious time staring into space? I have to do this and this.....'. I like to stand at my kitchen window/balcony with a cookie or a drink in my hand and watch kids playing or the gardener trim or water the plants (no, I'm not a desperate housewife and the gardener is no shirtless hunk). I also make more impulsive decisions like going to Switzerland on a moment's notice. I panicked when my hubby booked the tickets, thinking, 'what have I done?!' But it was one of the best decisions I have made, like my decision to take time off work. Both were made on the same premise - although we are poorer financially, we are richer in experience.

My favourite view from my living room window.

4) Exercise
Working up a sweat needs time. With more time, I am able to lose a little weight exercising although I figured if I had also dieted, I might have achieved my happy weight by now. But then again, I like my food and I might as well enjoy them while I still have my teeth and my health.

Now that I have come to the end of my 196 days of hiatus, I shall not feel sad. I must learn not to wait for life to throw roses at me. I will learn to pursue a purpose and passion-driven life, every single day. Even in my darkest moments or moments when I lose purpose, I will remember to deliberately go into the 'woods' to find my peace and joy.

I wished to live deliberately...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived … I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."

Henry David Thoreau

Recently, I had a bicycle accident that got everyone talking. The wound on my arm is rather nasty. I had not cycled for a long time and I did not have a proper bicycle but one day, my elder prince asked me to cycle with him, suggesting that I took his bike while he took his brother's. On impulse, I went along. I had forgotten how exhilarating it was to wheel down a slope and feel the wind in your hair. I had much fun but alas, I passed a narrow path and hit an aluminium wall at a construction site and scraped off more skin than I could bear. The pain I suffered from this accident lasted for days and I suspect there would be a scar.

At first, I regretted going for that bike trip but upon reflection, it gave me and my prince much joy, so it was worth it. I also realised that I had more wounds and bruises during this half year of hiatus than I had in my entire adult life. Then, it dawned on me that when you live life fully, you will have more chances of falling, literally and metaphorically. And falling is good. Not leading a perfectly well-planned and safe life felt good. And that is what I have done in the last half a year - I have climbed mountains, numbed my feet in the icy spring water, bathed naked in the open alps, acted silly in public with my kids, got cuts and bruises from water slides, cycling, cooking and challenged myself with new things like creating a blog, exploring the unknown, etc. Living life to the fullest does not mean perpetual happiness and comfort. It means you have made the decicion to live life deliberately and passionately, without fear and hesitation.

I love the movie, Dead Poets' Society where the above quote was uttered. Sometimes chasing one's dreams can be extremely hard but what is life if we allow others to dictate how we should live it? It's good not to work once in a while for it is when we are still that we are able to think clearly what we want out of life and appreciate life as it is, without the complications of materialism and human politics. I will always remember this half a year of my life in 2008 when I 'went to the woods...'

Do You Remember...

For those who grew up in the 80s and 90s, coke commercials were very prevalent and hip. That's before all the other more advanced, special-effects commercials came along.

This one is so corny and catchy that I still remember how my frens and cousins used to sing to this along with me. It was kidish but good old fashion fun, back in the days when the gameboys and x-boxes were not invented. Just like we used to memorise the MacDonald's Big Mac jingle, 'Two all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun' or something like that. Kids nowadays don't get to do fun things like that anymore.

I also remember the Jim Beam commercial where I fell in love with the very rugged kevin sorbo of hercules fame and his famous one-liner, 'This ain't jim beam' although I heard the drink tastes awful. I'm not able to find a video of that commercial though :(