To be 17 again...

Caught the zac efron show last night with my 11 year old prince. Why did I spend good money on a lame teen flick? Well, the appropriate answer would be that I was being a good parent acceding to a son's request. But actually a part of me wanted to watch that show. Plus, it doesn't hurt that zac efron is super cute.

I wanted to see if the movie could address my curiosity on the 'second life'. Don't all of us at some point in our lives wished that we could start over again; be given a second chance to lead a different life? If only I had studied harder and got a masters or phd and be a psychologist like I always wanted to. If only I had parents and siblings who gave good advice and guided me through life instead of letting me fall again and again. And would I lead a more exciting life if I had not married or had children? I wish I had cooler friends, a cooler job and a cooler me.

The protagonist in the movie, Mike, led his life full of regrets and bitterness because he felt that life had shortchanged him through missed opportunities. Through some warped encounter, he became 17 again and realised that because of his self-absorption, he failed to see his son's struggle with self-esteem, his daughter's desperate need for love and acceptance and his wife's unhappiness with an emotionally absent husband. As with all family movie with a moral message, Mike had an epiphany - he didn't want another chance to live his life over. He needed a second chance to restore his passion for and dedication to his marriage and family. It's a lesson on wanting what you have, not having what you want. If only all of us could reach such enlightenment.

Another thing that struck me about the story is that Mike's desires and fears are so similar to our own. His fear is the fear of most middle-aged adults - mediocrity. Most of us want to experience greatness in our lives. We are afraid of being invisible, forgotten, insignificant. Sometimes, I do wonder: could I have been successful if I had chosen a different path? I guess I could but would I be happy? It's hard to tell. Not many people can handle greatness. Look at Britney Spears and George Michael. They are icons but they are such a mess.

The movie is not a hit but it does make me think deeper about life, so I supposed the $16 is money well-spent afterall. I tried to analyse the movie with older prince as I always like to do but I guess to a pre-teen, life ain't worth analysing. Wait till he's 37. He will understand some day that youth does not last forever and that life ain't simple.

An old friend visits...

Mel is an old friend from way back in the uni days. When I first met her, I thought she looked like a very pretty Malay girl. We met through a mutual friend, Huixian. She was studying for her secretary course then. We clicked right away and that was the beginning of a string of saturday night partying, which also led to her meeting her husband.

Melinda has always been a fun-loving girl and our laughter has what you might call a 'stereo surround sound effect'. We had our first boyfriends together. Our boyfriends also knew each other. My relationship didn't last but hers did. She and her husband moved to Canada about 9 years ago, much to my dismay. She was back only once about 6 or 7 years ago, so in March when she came back for a month with her son, whom I have never met, I was estatic.

Together with Huixian and their sons, we went to the zoo, buffets, shopping, stayed overnight at rasa sentosa and had long chats. Mel has changed quite a bit and so have I. I think motherhood has made us more mellow and mature, yet we still find common things to talk and laugh about. Although we have not seen each other for years, the bond is still strong. Friends whom we grow up with will always have a special place in our hearts no matter how many new friends we make along the way or how long we have been apart. I look forward to more good times when you visit next year, Mel.

The farewell dinner at Tunglok Nobel House.

Mel still maintains her youthful figure and looks. Must be the Canada weather.

She loves this blue dress I bought for her.

Building sandcastles on the sentoa beach.

The little boys of Huixian and Melinda. Fate has it that all 3 of us have boys to torture us.

Torturing captured on camera.

Mel at the Toa Payoh foodcourt. She had cravings for beef noodles and bak chor mee and any Singaporean and Malaysian food.

Why God made little boys

I had always thought that I would be one of those stratford moms - calm and always so sophisticated, never yelling at my children, who, by the way, would always be clean and well-behaved. I also imagined that I would have dainty daughters to go high-tea and shopping with and share all the girly secrets with. When my princes were babies, they were oh-so-cute and sweet.

In recent years, they suddenly grew out of their baby-cuteness and became... gasp! Boys! To the uninitiated, esteemed mom of boys need to be tough. Not just tough in a physical sense, but tough as in I-don't-buy-your-s**t tough. And you must learn to take in all kinds of nonsense (such as gruesome jokes of s**t, violent display of 'boy play', dramatic phoney bambi-eye moments) without batting an eyelid. It's crucial for survival in this testosterone-jungle.

I was recently hit with a giddy aura of smelly shirts and loud noises at my older prince's birthday. At 11, he only wanted to invite boys to his birthday party as 'girls were silly and annoying'. In the short span of 3 hours, I witnessed shouting, laughter, quarelling, wrestling, teasing, vomitting, messy food area and dirty faces and feet. At some point during the party, I told my friend that if this had been a girl's party, it would have been a lot neater, quieter and saner. She looked at me sympathetically and agreed whole-hearted as she also has a boy.

But then during the party, I also saw my older prince standing up for my friend's 6-year boy who was trying hard to snatch the basketball from the bigger boys. I saw him passing the ball to the little fellow and hoisting him close to the net to score a point. His little friend was grinning happily when everyone cheered for him. My heart exploded with pride. I never thought much about how lovable boys can be.

I began to count all the ways that having boys is good for mothers and felt blessed and lucky to be the mother of my princes.

There is a poem entitled 'Why God Made Little Boys' which really describes how boys should be appreciated - as they are - funny and courageous.

God made a world out of His dreams,
Of magic mountains, oceans and streams;
Prairies and plains and wooded land.
He then paused and thought,
"I need someone to stand on top of the mountains,
To conquer the sea,
Explore the plains and climb the trees,
Someone to start out small and grow sturdy,
And strong like a tree"
And so... He created boys,
Full of spirit and fun to explore and conquer,
To romp and run
With dirty faces, banged up chins,
With courageous hearts and boyish grins.
When He had completed the task He'd begun,
He surely said, "That's a job well done."

God's wonderful creation - boys. Older prince with his 'ya ya' brotherhood.

Little prince with his little friends

Older prince wrote this in his school student handbook... Hope the teacher is not a detailed reader.

Being 'zen'

Recently, in my office, there is this joke about being 'zen' when the going gets tough. I had read a work-related email that was suppossed to be worrying and stressful but for some (sick) reasons, it tickled me so much I couldn't stop laughing. My colleagues thought I had gone bonkers.

In the past, when things got stressful, I would have been irritated and blown my top. Now, I am not so bothered any more. At first, I thought that must be a good thing but then on second thoughts, I might be repressing the negative emotions within me cos I still had problems sleeping at night. I guess for that particular incident, I had looked at the the picture from the outside, like a third party and somehow found it ridiculous yet funny.

Anyway, there is really no point getting stressed over things that are beyond my control. There is a theory that we all have our small sphere of influence. Beyond that sphere, we have no control and if we try, we get frustrated and unduly stressed.

'Zening' is not necessarily a bad thing. It's different from being apathetic though. 'Zening' by my definition, simply means ' don't sweat the stuff you can't control'. So, I'm going to try to 'zen'. ohm...

Rogue hawker

Last weekend, my family went to simpang bedok for breakfast. My hubby and younger prince ate the roti prata while I had some dim sum. My elder prince was craving for fishball noodles, so we ordered a bowl for him from the supposedly famous store in one of the coffee shops.

After about 20 min, we had all finished our breakfast and the fishball noodles was still nowhere to be seen. After the elder prince went to remind the hawker about his order, we waited another 10 min. Then I went to the hawker and asked if my order was ready as the whole family had finished our breakfast. The woman assistant raised her voice at me, 'how can you talk like that? What is your table no.? You got to wait. Everyone is waiting." Then I asked how long it would take, to which she replied, "5 bowls." I repeated my question. She repeated her answer and then added, "about 10 min la."

When the noodles finally arrived, I took out a $2 note and started to count some spare change slowly and left them on the table. She was so agitated that she snatched the money from the table and stalked off. And she was telling me that I gotta wait for my food, which took about 30 min to come. I took all of 10 sec to give her the money.

Bottomline is: If you want to eat good food served by rude hawkers, be prepared to wait and be insulted. For me? No thanks. I'd rather have instant noodles.

The value of breathing properly

I read some where that 9 out of 10 people breathe improperly. All babies and animals breathe in the right way but somehow as we grow older, we lose that instinct. Most people tend to breathe in a shallow manner, inhaling air up to the chest instead of all the way to their lungs. I am one big culprit. I'm a bad owner of my lungs and of my body, for that matter. When I'm focused on doing something, especially when I'm rushing for something, I forget to breathe. This is very damaging to my sleep and my health because all the breathes I forget to take during the day catch up with me at night, leaving me breathless and tensed when I hit the bed.

This is how I know I am not breathing properly:

Lie down on a flat surface and place the palms of hands on abdomen, just below ribs.

Breathe normally.

If the hand on the abdomen rises while chest is flat, that means you are breathing properly. If it’s the chest that rises while the abdomen barely moves at all, that means you are breathing improperly.

Even if we are not breathing properly, we can still correct it with daily exercises.

Here’s what I TRY to do on a daily basis:

Lie down flat your back with my knees bent so that your feet are flat on the floor. This can be done while sitting or standing up straight, too.

Place hands on abdomen, just below ribs, palms flat against stomach.

Breathe slowly and gradually through the nose, counting up to five. Imagine you are inflating a balloon in your stomach while you are inhaling. Your hands should rise with the abdomen as you breathe in. Make sure that your shoulders do not rise up while you are inhaling.

Hold your breath for a few seconds, but don’t prolong it.

Exhale as slowly and gradually as you have inhaled, counting to five. Imagine the inflated balloon in the stomach slowly deflating while you are exhaling. Your hands should also go down as your abdomen deflates.

We should practice proper breathing for around five minutes at a time, two or three times a day. We can do it the first thing in the morning, while taking a break from work, and before we go to sleep.

Having a proper breathing method may seem like a small thing, but it takes effort to remember and practice. I did a pretty good job when I was in Switzerland and at home but now that I'm at work, it's extremely challenging. But I will continue to try. I want to live life fully and for that to happen I must unlearn the bad habits and re-learn how to take life one full breathe at a time.

http://monsterguide.net/how-to-breathe-properly

New Year Resolutions

The initial New Year Days have come and gone and I have not come up with any new year resolutions this year. People have been telling me that making new year resolutions are a waste of time and effort because 1) you won't remember them, and 2) you won't keep them. That is mostly true. Every year, I have resolved to lose weight. Look at me. I probably lose like 2 kg in total in the last 10 years. So ya, new year resolution may not be worthy of my efforts but it will give me some focus and purpose for the year ahead. Without a road map at hand, we end up walking in all sorts of directions.

I have searched the web for some popular new year resolutions for inspiration. Here are some:

- Wear sunscreen - Protects the skin from frying and developing wrinkles.

- Pick up a sport/start an exercise regime - As we age, our metabolism will drop and our muscles will deteriorate, so without exercise, we are asking for trouble.

- Maintain a healthy weight - Enough said.

- Live to a budget - Do we really need that crystal hair clip or another pair of black shoes? I discover that usually if you wait a week, you don't really want the thing anymore. But if you still want it, get it!

- Make a date with my sweetheart regularly - My hubby started this ritual 10 years ago when my elder prince was born. Every Friday, he would bring me out without the princes. We may not be doing anything exciting all the time, but it gives us some space for couple time. It takes effort to maintain this ritual though.

- Choose a role model & then think, “What Would ____ Do?” - Make sure you choose the right one though.

- Every day, pay someone a compliment or do something that makes someone happy - This one is not easy to do in Singapore. But there is always someone doing something worth applauding - whether it’s the bus driver who is polite & smiley, or your kid trying to cheer you up. Tell them how much you appreciate it.

- Read - I'm not an NLB ambassador but I believe that reading feeds the soul. There is a Chinese saying that goes something like, "one day of not reading makes your appearance hateful." I guess it's saying that if you do not cultivate your inner being , your attitudes and behaviour just shows.

- Pray/ Self-reflect - It makes no sense to go through a wonderful life journey without assessing how you are faring and how you can make it better. For me, praying and self-reflecting are important things that I need to do. But having said that, too much inner-searching can be harmful when we become self-critical. So...

- Cut myself some slack - We all make boos boos and sometimes huge ones but we should get up, dust ourselves off, repair/ contain the damage and let's just move on.