The other day, 2 of my friends announced that they were having girls, one being a second baby, the other a fourth. My happiness for them was genuine but so is my feeling of loss.
I have 2 wonderfully bright and goofy boys who make me laugh and fume every single day. There is never a dull moment with them. In fact there is never a 'pause' moment with them. They are always game for a game, a joke, an argument, a fight, whatever it takes to avoid sitting quietly on a chair. I believe the report about how having children shorten one's life is probably true, especially when you have boys. I love my boys to bits but some times, in rare pensive moments like when I stare out the window on a rainy day, I wonder if having a girl will make my life more complete. The other day, I casually asked my boys if they would like to have another sibling, they said yes, they would like to have a sister. The elder one's philosophy about it is so mature I can't believe he actually said it. He said that if I had a daughter, she would be able to do girly things with me like shopping. When I commented that he could also do these things with me, he qualified that he would just to please me but he wouldn't enjoy it whilst a daughter would make perfect sense and company for such activities. Ah! The wisdom of a 10-year old.
Well, all I can say is my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. To put it more bluntly, my eggs are lousy. They have disappointed me for the last one and a half years. To set the record straight, my husband is not to be blamed. The last we checked, he has enough healthy sperms to father a nation of children. But then because he is out of town half the time, our chances are halved. This coupled with a few remaining low quality eggs and some natural barriers (the 2 walking ever ready batteries), it will be almost be a miracle to ever have a baby. My friends have been amused by my extending deadline for having another baby. I had naively announced a few years ago that I would stop trying when I hit 35. Now I'm approachijng 37 and there is still not clear deadline in sight.
I have been praying to almighty God to either let me have a baby girl soon or help me make peace with myself if His plan for me is to be contented with 2 bubbly boys. I will continue to hope for the impossible while expecting a let down. At the meantime, I am looking forward to the arrival of 2 beautiful baby girls this year. It is a refreshing change after seeing all the boys around me. Seems like everyone is having boys! Perhaps I should also start eating less carbs as a study says that women who eats more carbs are prone to having boys. Damn those rice and potatoes!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
On having children
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3 comments:
Probably not much of a consolation, but my cousin who has 2 boys and a girl thinks the girl came direct from hell. She is noisier, tougher, fiercer and defnitely more cunning than the 2 boys. She whines her way out of everything. Although she is real pretty and sweet, I do find her a pain compared to Lucas.
I guess probably Joelle has created a cute & girly impression on her liao ;p Hey my hubby says come Switzerland to stay with us, we can 'disappear' for a while when the time is right hehe ;p
Over here u can breathe the fresh & crisp mountain air, drink & bathe d mineral rich water from the alps & engage in healthy lifestyle. Looking @ d number of kids out here, you can tell it's a fertile land hehe ;p And the climate here is just nice to cuddle.
Thanks for the nice words and offers. I would really love to go switzerland some day. i think it is one of the top of my list of countries to visit b4 I die. The others include Italy, Japan and rural France.
Although I think I'm experiancing a gap in my life, it may actually be a good thing for me not to have a girl. As is is now, my boys already say I'm a worry-wart. With a daughter, I will kill myself just tracking her every move.
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