Singapore Arts Festival Opening - Viewing at Indochine

We went to watch the opening of the Arts Fest, Water Fools, on 23 May. My hubby brought us to Indochine Restaurant to dine and watch the performance from there. It was also an opportunity to celebrate my birthday. Although it was a nice gesture, we couldn't see much of the going-ons. And the food that we ordered that day did not sit well with us. The bill afterwards also caused me to sweat a little. However, the fire works towards the end was spectacular, especially when I'm enjoying it with my favourite guy. So the whole outing was worth it. Not to mention I have not been out much since my no pay leave in Apr.

I like this pix of us. We hardly take pictures together and he smiled nicely in this pix. Some people may not call that a smile, more like a smirk, like one of my friends call it. But it's good enough for me. To other people he may seem aloof and arrogant, but he is the sweetest thing to me :)

The Polyclinic

Today, I had my first experience as a patient in the polyclinic. Of course, when my children were babies (at least 6 years ago), they had all their injections there because it cost much lesser than the private clinics. But I had never actually went through an outpatient consultation process in a polyclinic before. Or maybe with the babies and my husband with me, it didn't seem so unbearable at that time. It was really a tiring and humbling experience. I was there for 2 and a half hours and got to see the doctor, who looked like he was fresh out of school, for a mere 5 minutes and half the time he was not even looking at me but busy writing down stuff on a yellow file.

Fortunately, clever old me had asked my ENT specialist to write down my condition and some medical history for the polyclinic doctor when I went for my post-op follow-up this morning. Otherwise, I might have to talk really quickly and worry if he knows the difference between andenoids and tonsils. If not for the fact that my specialist had recommended immunotherapy (a procedure where the expert finds out allergies and the triggers), and that it is a long-drawn and expensive process, I would have rather paid the extra $20 or so to see a private GP. I guess you have to have a lot of time when you are poor in order to see a doctor in the polyclinic. But then again, when one is poor, time is also precious, an opportunity cost, not unlike the middle- and upper-middle class citizens.

But I guess I shouldn't complain. Singapore's health care system is still more advance and friendly than other countries. I read some where that in the UK, some patients have to wait up to a year to get a surgery or operation scheduled. My next appointment is in 2 weeks. I'm being a typical Singaporean - impatient, easily irritated, a damn good complainer and a damn bad customer.

Sleepness in Simei

Going to dream land every night is something we all take for granted. You go to bed, put your head on the pillow and drift off to sleep. Simple. Almost instinctive and natural. For some of us who suffer from insomnia, sleep can be a dreadful affair. For the past 2 years, I've been struggling to breathe normally as I attempt to meet my dreams every night. Breathing. That's another natural thing that living thing do well without any help. Who wouldn't know how to breathe, right? When I first told my husband about my breathlessness, he was incredulous - breathing is natural! How can you not breathe naturally?

Many people do not understand my ailment, except for a fellow colleague who also suffered the same cursed symptom some months ago. Her doctor diagnosed her as having chronic fatigue syndrome. She has recently retired and recovering. I'm not so lucky. My diagnosis has ranged from anxiety disorder to weak lungs to stress to sensitive blocked nose. And I have seen a myriad of experts - from psychiatrist to hypnotist to chinese physician to Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. I have had my tonsils removed, andenoids (some swollen tissue in the nostrils) removed, my body poked with needles, steamed, kneeded, doused with chinese and western medicine. I am still unfortunately and frustratingly breathless and sleepless.

And the darnest thing is I have spent a lot of money just to get back to square one. Not square one, more like minus one because my breathing is getting worse, even in day time. And despite the andenoid surgery, my nose is still blocked. I think God must have some brilliant plan for me to endure all these for 2 years. I got angry with Him, then desperate, then angry again. Being God is not easy. He has to be very patient with silly mortal beings like us who do not understand our sufferings. I am being sarcastic. Well, I can't possibly be jolly when I am suffocating every few minutes..... Frankly, I'm ashamed of being so faithless.

I find comfort in the following words though.

"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and inflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4-5

"Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases. Psalm 103:2-3

"The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. " Psalm 23

"Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"You’ve come to a place in your life where you can’t turn around, yet you can’t see how to go forward. Like the children of Israel you are at the Red Sea of your life. I have not brought you this far to leave you. I brought you into the wilderness and I will lead you out. Lift your head high and praise Me. Praise Me until the Red Sea in your life opens. Walk, walk on, do not be afraid. Lo I am with you always, even until the end of the earth. I am your God. Use what I have given you. Walk on, I am waiting for you. "
http://www.wherepeacefulwaters.com/newsletters/god_where_are_you.htm

On having children

The other day, 2 of my friends announced that they were having girls, one being a second baby, the other a fourth. My happiness for them was genuine but so is my feeling of loss.

I have 2 wonderfully bright and goofy boys who make me laugh and fume every single day. There is never a dull moment with them. In fact there is never a 'pause' moment with them. They are always game for a game, a joke, an argument, a fight, whatever it takes to avoid sitting quietly on a chair. I believe the report about how having children shorten one's life is probably true, especially when you have boys. I love my boys to bits but some times, in rare pensive moments like when I stare out the window on a rainy day, I wonder if having a girl will make my life more complete. The other day, I casually asked my boys if they would like to have another sibling, they said yes, they would like to have a sister. The elder one's philosophy about it is so mature I can't believe he actually said it. He said that if I had a daughter, she would be able to do girly things with me like shopping. When I commented that he could also do these things with me, he qualified that he would just to please me but he wouldn't enjoy it whilst a daughter would make perfect sense and company for such activities. Ah! The wisdom of a 10-year old.

Well, all I can say is my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. To put it more bluntly, my eggs are lousy. They have disappointed me for the last one and a half years. To set the record straight, my husband is not to be blamed. The last we checked, he has enough healthy sperms to father a nation of children. But then because he is out of town half the time, our chances are halved. This coupled with a few remaining low quality eggs and some natural barriers (the 2 walking ever ready batteries), it will be almost be a miracle to ever have a baby. My friends have been amused by my extending deadline for having another baby. I had naively announced a few years ago that I would stop trying when I hit 35. Now I'm approachijng 37 and there is still not clear deadline in sight.

I have been praying to almighty God to either let me have a baby girl soon or help me make peace with myself if His plan for me is to be contented with 2 bubbly boys. I will continue to hope for the impossible while expecting a let down. At the meantime, I am looking forward to the arrival of 2 beautiful baby girls this year. It is a refreshing change after seeing all the boys around me. Seems like everyone is having boys! Perhaps I should also start eating less carbs as a study says that women who eats more carbs are prone to having boys. Damn those rice and potatoes!

Driving in Singapore roads

I witnessed a shocking and very close road accident on saturday. I was driving home after sending my son to his class and was behind this car that was turning into a small lane that I was also turning into. The car turned right into the small lane and I was about to follow it as it seemed safe to do so. Then, out of nowhere, a silver taxi appeared and crashed right into the left side of the car in front of me and sent it flying across the road, smashed into the traffic light and careened into the said small lane.

For that few seconds, the proverbial time stood still. I heard people screaming and saw people rushing to get a glimpse of the stunning accident that just took place. I froze behind my steering wheel and my mind went blank, until the car behind me honked for me to move. I drove slowly passed the wrecked car and the taxi, both badly damaged with smoke rising from the hoods. There were shattered pieces of glass and car parts on the roads. I saw that the driver of the car was a woman. She seemed ok because I saw her moved as if to remove her seat belt.

When I reached home, I immediately related the whole incident to my husband. We had a quarrel just before I left the house and I was determined not to speak to him when I return but this accident forced me to talk to him. I had to tell someone about my close encounter! I told him that that could have been me because, like the woman in the car, I failed to see the approaching taxi as well. There was another car on the lane nearer to us that was blocking the view. And the taxi was driving really fast, hence the great impact of the accident that left everyone stunned.

I guess the lady driver should have made sure that it was safe to proceed and not assume that all drivers are cautious even if she is not. In my last 3 years of driving, which is not a lot of experience but I do drive everyday, I feel that Singapore drivers are getting more and more reckless and impatient. They are also competitive and will try to prevent you from getting ahead of them. We are also dealing with a new breed of road rogues who disregard basic traffic rules such as red light and yellow boxes. They must think that they (1) have fantastic driving skills (2) are invincible (3) other drivers have good driving skills so will watch out for them.

When I am in a hurry, I tend to drive in an aggressive manner but I have since mellowed alot. Some of my colleagues used to be afraid to sit in my car because they feel I'm a fast and impatient driver, which admittedly I was and still am. I have tried to drive in a more leisurely manner but somehow the pace and pressure of the surrounding cars just push you along the road to a heightened heart rate and blood pressure. I hope the accident which I have witnessed will motivate me further to be a better driver. Afterall, reaching my destination a few minutes earlier won't necessarily enrich the quality of my life but being in a healthy state of mind certainly will.

Treading on unfamiliar grounds

I have been telling people that I'm gonna start a blog. Well, now I've done it. Not sure if I will keep it or like it. At the back of my mind, I keep worrying if blogging is tantamount to a display of an exhibitionistic trait. Besides, you never know who is reading your blog and what opinions he or she may form of you, without really knowing you. But what the heck, I'll move with the flow and see what happens.

It's been 3 weeks since I stay at home and I can't say I'm enjoying it. I'm a clean freak so I've been obsessed about keeping the house clean. And of course the 2 little rascals would not let me off so easily. They have been bugging me to play with them. And the worse part is their school hours are in different sessions, so I never have time to myself, except for Tuesdays when the littler rascal goes for his music rehearsals. I'm so looking forward to next Tues when both rascals will be at school till late pm. I'm going to have a nice leisure lunch and a facial.